A life worth living. Only now do I begin to understand that from the depths of his depression, it was impossible for him to see that.
My life forever changed. One Christmas morning at the age of thirty-nine, my love, partner, best friend, beyond-talented musician, and father to my two small daughters made the unthinkable decision to end his life. That very instant, an endless cycle of deep grief & depression began. His death was completely unexpected and a result of well-hidden mental distress that eventually won him over. Normal bereavement is hard and complicated, add to that the trauma of his death; what followed was two years of deep grief with all the side effects it brings. A family shattered, a profession lost, and lives forever changed.
There was a lot of shame during that time because the topic of suicide brings other implications and a lot of guilt and shame to the surviving loved ones. So much so, that I couldn't even bare to say to anyone except the closest family members how he had died. It has taken a lot of self-work, self-empathy, self-forgiveness, and therapy to even get to this point. I am grateful to be here and able to share because sharing has a lot of power.
My mission is to demystify what grief looks like for those new to its ongoing and dark surprises. To share my experiences, tools that have helped me, and lessons learned to hopefully soften the pain of your experience. May you find solace and some comfort in knowing that although you have lost greatly and suffered deeply, there is space to continue with a purposeful and meaningful life.
Love & Light,